Reflecting on language as an opportunity for change

Disclaimer:

In this article, I’ll be sharing my own experiences and perspectives on language. These may be different to your own, or to the person you are supporting. Remember, we are all unique and so it is important to listen to and respect individual language choices.

Language was one of my opportunities for change. In this article I’ll explore the following question; how do the words we use to talk about autism impact wellbeing? I’ll reflect on my recovery from anorexia, intertwined with nurturing my autistic identity.

From the beginning

So, let me start by taking you back in time. 

As I moved (clumsily) through my school years as ‘the odd one out’, peers consistently and flippantly hurled words in my direction. Limiting, disempowering and hurtful labels. These words became attached to my identity, eroding away at my sense of self-worth. I started to understand myself as, ‘I am different and that’s not okay.’ Somewhere around this time, anorexia crept in.

These memories fuel my passion for language; words can be powerful. 

Moving on

Fast forward and I’ll take you to another moment in time.

“But… I still don’t know how to be with other people. There’s so much about the world that doesn’t make sense. It’s so much.’ These were my words as I left a final eating disorder treatment session in my early 20s. 

With the benefit of hindsight, what I was desperately trying to describe was my autistic experience. I was sent on my way to go out and experience life and practise. At this point, undiagnosed and without the language of autism, understanding between the clinician and myself remained fragmented and disconnected. Together, we missed one of the most important parts of my story.

I recall this experience, as a reminder of the role language can play in creating a shared understanding.

Hold tight as I fast forward another few years (I appreciate this is a whistle-stop tour). This time, I’m recalling the time I received my Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD diagnosis.

In those early days, I internalised diagnostic language. I perceived my experiences as ‘flaws’ and ‘deficits.’ I became focused on social communication and interaction difficulties and my restricted and repetitive ways of being.

With the language of disorder, one of my next stops whilst Googling became, ‘social skills training.’ I relentlessly sought out ‘fixes’ and ‘cures,’ represented by purchasing an increasing amount of self-help books.

Anorexia’s grip stayed strong as my core belief remained, ‘I am different and that’s not okay.’ 

More recently

Now insert several years of hard work in therapy, being surrounded by other autistic people and allies, along with opportunities to work in supportive environments.

I started to discover a whole new language to describe my autistic experiences. This time, focusing on ‘differences,’ rather than ‘disorder’ and ‘deficits’. I slowly began to reframe my experiences and I began to see a much bigger picture.

If the way that I experience the world is different, does that make it the wrong way? If the way I interact and communicate is different, does that make it disordered? My answer to both, no. 

I stepped off the neverending treadmill of trying to fix myself and instead began working on accepting myself, as I am. And unsurprisingly, my core belief began to shift and anorexia’s grip loosened. 

I opened my eyes to the possibility of having both strengths and challenges. My restricted interests? I realised they were attention tunnels of incredible focus and passion. My processing delays? I would slowly start to see they were linked to having a great attention to detail, a consequence of absorbing so much sensory information from the world around me.

But importantly, whilst I shifted my focus to strengths and differences, it was equally essential for me (and others) to validate my day-to-day autistic-related challenges. My approach to language became a balance.

In conclusion

I’ve experienced both the positive and negative impact of language on wellbeing. Language is a tool I have to describe my experience in a way that makes sense to me. Language is my opportunity to have my voice heard, my experiences seen, and both my strengths and challenges valued and validated.

Do you want to understand more about my work?

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